Forgivness

I have forgiven a lot of people within my life time. I think that if I do not forgive them everything will eventually build up and I would be one angry person. There is only one time I think I have not forgiven somebody and I still have not forgiven this person. During high school I never expected I would get so close to some people. Well I got really close to this one person. He was literally like my best friend, I would have taken a bullet for him. But one day he completely changed. He was mean and rude to me. His teasing jokes suddenly were not funny anymore, they really hurt. We started arguing more and more. Than one day I just told him we were not really friends anymore.We stopped talking for about a month and then one day he decided that he was done being a jerk and wanted to be friends. I am slowly giving him my trust again. I do not think he will ever get it fully ever again. That is something I have never really done before. When I cut people off they are cut off forever, like there is no going back and forth. Forgiveness is something we all must overcome and when we do things will be easy for us in the long run.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Gandhi

#ToLoveOrNotToLove

Love and companionship are two things I know I could not live without. Love in the dictionary means: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. My definition of love would be doing something for another person no matter what the cost is.
I think that I could not live with out love or companionship because I would feel like the Creature in Frankenstein. I would feel all alone and I would probably go crazy. I am one of those people who can stand to be alone for awhile but then I need other human interaction. Everybody should have human interaction.
I have a kitten his name is Sin Claire and I consider him my "companion". I consider him my companion because I take care of him and love him as if he were my own child. I cuddle with him and play with him. I think he is just like a human being because like we need affection, animals do too. I could only imagine what it would feel like if my mom ignored me, I do not want Sin Claire to feel that.
There are people out there like me that have trouble loving people. It takes me a while to grow to love someone. For me there is a difference between being very nice to someone and having love for that person. I  have trouble with loving people because when I let my guard down I usually get hurt. It is not a fun feeling. There was one point in my life when I thought I was never going to love anybody or anything ever again. I lost my best friend, my cat I had before I got my kitten, and my grandma within two months of each other. I felt emotionally drained. But then I got my kitten and he is the only guy I need in my life and I just love him so much.
Some people say I am going to be that old crazy cat lady, I do not know if I am but if it happens than I am going to be just as happy. I think in my head when I hear that, at least I can love another creature as much as I would love a person.

Firrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeed!

   The feeling of rejection is probably one of THE most terrible feelings ever! I have had many circumstances where I was the person being rejected. I remember when I was little I always sang. No matter where I was. I sang in the car, the shower, going to the bathroom, int he grocery store. Whereever I was I sang.

   One day I was singing in the kitchen making myself some raspberry tea, because that is my all time favorite thing. My mom came in she had been having a bad day at work. She was on the phone in the kitchen as I was making my tea and she told me "STOP SINGING! YOU ARE NOT GOOD AND YOU WILL NOT BECOME A SINGER!" I was only 12 when she said that to me.

   I remember telling my mom sorry, grabbing my tea, and walked to my room and crying. I really cannot describe my feelings in that moment. I just remember feeling like my heart was ripped out of my chest. My entire life I had been singing and now I could not anymore because I was not "good". At that time my mom's approval is all I ever wanted.

   I have just started singing again. I sing sometimes in front of my mom, and most of those times she is singing with me. But everytime I do sing I hear her words play over and over in my head. I think that moment has stopped me from doing most of the things I have wanted to. I just do not want to embarrass myself or anybody I am with.